We interrupt your regularly scheduled program...
So, it’s been quiet around these parts because I’ve just been too busy, too stressed and not really inclined to write for awhile.
So, what I’m going to do is start going through the drafts queue of the blog and emptying everything out. Getting all those unfinished thoughts and bits out and into the interwebs because you know I just shit jewels baby! JEWELS!
And on the heels of the last post, out of the archive I came across this unfinished thought from August 2010:
Change.
Sometimes, we are fixed in place and there is a vague sense underlying our days and minutes that hints at some dissatisfaction or ennui. In those moments, we think about how we would change our lives and change ourselves, whether it is possible and what form that change would manifest itself as.
I’ve been having those moments lately.
With them is the sense of wanting to do more, to be more, to get involved in ways there doesn’t always seem to be the time to do. The big problem more than anything is I’m an incredible time waster, left to my own devices, I can hole up and while away the hours quite comfortably very happy with my own company and taken voyages along whatever path catches my interest.
I’ve seen it happen too often and it’s something I’m starting to tire of.
Still, I wonder if we can ever truly change our nature.
There was a time I believed it was parents who had more influence than not in the adult a child becomes and while I know they do I’ve come to the realization that there is just so very much about us that is hard-wired, things that have nothing to do with external forces, things that nature put there in the womb in an amazing alchemy. These equations become readily apparent after watching so many of my friends and family have kids, raise them in the same household, only to watch how very, very different their personalities can be even though they are exposed to the same environmental forces.
I’m very lucky though. I’m lucky in ways I couldn’t even begin to pass along and I often realize that. That amazing luck is what keeps me going when things look their bleakest and time and time again it has manifested itself, even though it is...
AND THAT’S WHERE I TRAILED OFF.
But thinking about it now, I do consider myself quite lucky. I’m waiting to hear on something that will tell me in many ways just how lucky I might be. I’ve got my fingers crossed you might say.
I spend too much time worried or unhappy it seems (at least to me) and then I always flash back on that old saw about ‘counting your blessings.’ And I have to think how lucky I am in so many ways. Things I guess other people take for granted but again flashing back on my upbringing and the whole being poor thing, I consider myself very lucky indeed.
But should we settle?
Does there come a point where we should be settling for anything in life when the time we have allotted to us is so very precious?
I wonder about that a lot because as I said back in ’10, I’m a big time waster and thinking about it now I really have to fix that...
stay tuned.